How Does It Feel
Living with a severe heart disorder means I have to be aware of bodily functions that should be working quietly in the background. If I walk from my car in my driveway into the house and up a flight of stairs, I have to watch out for subtle signs. If I cannot breathe easily with my mouth closed, I’m in trouble. If I’m aware of my lungs in anyway, I’m in trouble. And the most obvious is feeling a clinching sensation around my heart, then I’m really in trouble!
I will then experience tunnel vision, difficulty focusing my eyes, and lightheadedness. The room begins to tilt. My breath comes in huffs as my heart struggles to pump blood to my major organs, especially my brain. My limbs become heavy weights at my side due to reduced circulation, while the pain in my chest radiates through to my back left shoulder blade. I then feel an overwhelming urge to sit down regardless of where I am, in the middle of the street or in line at the deli counter. If I don’t sit down fast I will lose consciousness. It’s a terrifyingly horrible feeling!
This is why I have a wheelchair. The seat allows me to slouch a bit, as sitting up straight for an extended amount of time is exhausting. I do not have to risk the heart episode described above. But it feels embarrassing, when I can clearly walk and stand. I wonder if people realize that a young woman in a wheelchair does not necessarily have to be paralyzed. I don’t know. I try not to worry about it, but I’m only human, and this is such a new experience for me.
So if I had to put it in terms for anyone who does not know how it feels to have a serious heart condition, I’d describe it like this:
Imagine running up the down escalator while carrying a 50lb boulder.
I will then experience tunnel vision, difficulty focusing my eyes, and lightheadedness. The room begins to tilt. My breath comes in huffs as my heart struggles to pump blood to my major organs, especially my brain. My limbs become heavy weights at my side due to reduced circulation, while the pain in my chest radiates through to my back left shoulder blade. I then feel an overwhelming urge to sit down regardless of where I am, in the middle of the street or in line at the deli counter. If I don’t sit down fast I will lose consciousness. It’s a terrifyingly horrible feeling!
This is why I have a wheelchair. The seat allows me to slouch a bit, as sitting up straight for an extended amount of time is exhausting. I do not have to risk the heart episode described above. But it feels embarrassing, when I can clearly walk and stand. I wonder if people realize that a young woman in a wheelchair does not necessarily have to be paralyzed. I don’t know. I try not to worry about it, but I’m only human, and this is such a new experience for me.
So if I had to put it in terms for anyone who does not know how it feels to have a serious heart condition, I’d describe it like this:
Imagine running up the down escalator while carrying a 50lb boulder.
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