The Ups and Downs
Life takes a lot of crazy twists and turns. For me, there have been so many ups and downs lately, sometimes I don't think I will be able to keep up. There are two main things happening for me right now.
The first thing that happened was the word surgery. I can no longer avoid it, come January 16th I will in fact, be having more spine surgery. It is on my cervical spine again, this time however my entire neck with the exception of c2 will be fused. This is for the best, I know that as a fact. There is no spinal fluid around my spinal cord in that area. Therefore no protection from being hurt. The spinal cord compression is at a point where every single day I am at risk for complete compression and paralyzation.
I am fully aware that this surgery could and I know in my heart will, help tremendously in restoring some quality of life for me. I have had almost all bad days in terms of pain, numbness, weakness and headaches. I am very much looking forward to less of that. With that being said, this is a very scary surgery. He will not be able to go through the existing scar as he needs greater access to the spine. He will be going through the front of my neck with a vertical incision. There are so many risks and dangers, but I don't think of those on a regular basis. What I do think about is the months in a neck brace, the inability to take care of myself for awhile, not being able to eat solid foods for some time (hey maybe I will drop a few very unnecessary pounds.)
This is both an up and down for me. Life is funny like that, something that can be so amazing and be the answer you are desperate for can also be extremely scary.
The other major thing in my life is nothing but an incredible up!! I am an engaged woman!! My wonderful boyfriend of 7 years proposed to me on New Years Eve, right when the new year began. He took my breathe away. From calling and asking my mom and dad for their blessing, to his loving words and his getting down on one knee, it was the best moment I could have ever imagined. There were no bells and whistles, just his pure and incredible love. He gave me the best gift he could have. In more ways than even he knows. I have something wonderful to focus on and have barely even thought of the upcoming surgery. I have not stopped looking at my hand or smiling like a school girl every single time he walks by. Everything about being engaged to him makes me happy.
These ups and downs are what make us. They are what keep us going. No matter how big or small the positive thing that happens to you is, find a way to hold that and let go of the negative. I'm not mentally prepared for anything coming my way, but I know that when the day comes I will get through it just like I have every other challenge in my life. We are not one good thing or one bad thing, we are a plethora of moments!!
The first thing that happened was the word surgery. I can no longer avoid it, come January 16th I will in fact, be having more spine surgery. It is on my cervical spine again, this time however my entire neck with the exception of c2 will be fused. This is for the best, I know that as a fact. There is no spinal fluid around my spinal cord in that area. Therefore no protection from being hurt. The spinal cord compression is at a point where every single day I am at risk for complete compression and paralyzation.
I am fully aware that this surgery could and I know in my heart will, help tremendously in restoring some quality of life for me. I have had almost all bad days in terms of pain, numbness, weakness and headaches. I am very much looking forward to less of that. With that being said, this is a very scary surgery. He will not be able to go through the existing scar as he needs greater access to the spine. He will be going through the front of my neck with a vertical incision. There are so many risks and dangers, but I don't think of those on a regular basis. What I do think about is the months in a neck brace, the inability to take care of myself for awhile, not being able to eat solid foods for some time (hey maybe I will drop a few very unnecessary pounds.)
This is both an up and down for me. Life is funny like that, something that can be so amazing and be the answer you are desperate for can also be extremely scary.
The other major thing in my life is nothing but an incredible up!! I am an engaged woman!! My wonderful boyfriend of 7 years proposed to me on New Years Eve, right when the new year began. He took my breathe away. From calling and asking my mom and dad for their blessing, to his loving words and his getting down on one knee, it was the best moment I could have ever imagined. There were no bells and whistles, just his pure and incredible love. He gave me the best gift he could have. In more ways than even he knows. I have something wonderful to focus on and have barely even thought of the upcoming surgery. I have not stopped looking at my hand or smiling like a school girl every single time he walks by. Everything about being engaged to him makes me happy.
These ups and downs are what make us. They are what keep us going. No matter how big or small the positive thing that happens to you is, find a way to hold that and let go of the negative. I'm not mentally prepared for anything coming my way, but I know that when the day comes I will get through it just like I have every other challenge in my life. We are not one good thing or one bad thing, we are a plethora of moments!!
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